It finally happened, I’m emptying my pockets to camp out at work only to find that I accidentally brought one of my kid’s pacifiers to work

MUTES, a novel with an appendix of omitted words themselves assembled into nonsensical but grotesque phrases, which are only ever represented as empty spaces in the text itself

It’ll be fun in 30 years when period pieces about the late 2010s are careful to capture how drab everything is; buildings painted gray, vehicles gray, black, red, or blue exclusively

As a kid haver with nearly enough capital to buy in san francisco, I would vaaaaaaaaaastly prefer living in a 3 bed 2 bath public housing unit to having to sink my money into dirt and market risk, and think people who prefer the dirt and risk are fools

My kitchen window overlooks a row of sidewalk coffee shop tables and every time someone at one casually smokes a cigarette at one in 2019 i assume they are a time traveling prisoner on a mission to their past, before things all went sideways

My kid’s baby babble book, not a fan of trains, which are toys for baby’s, apparently

also, all of his toy car gifts have come in sets that include a police car, like this S.W.A.T. thing he just got, big yikes, a 9-1-1 sticker?

“9 1 1, what is your emergency?”

“”Hi, how are you, I’d like to order the special weapons and tactics? Can I get that with extra special weapons?”

Historical Buttigiegism

I’t probably never happen again because of open office floor plans, but I had one chance to leave something behind in a desk for my successor and I went with a carton of camel filters in return for all those I’d bummed while stressed over the job.

You’re telling me a plan improved this performance?

I call upon the author to explain trolling us with a character named “Deval” smdh that is some shoddy ass writing workshop character naming