Blog posts

  1. Corporate Brand Mash-up DIY Rebellion

    From the Wall Street Journal via Dark Visitor:

    A property developer in Nanjing, hoping to lure business and buzz, set up storefront facades with logos such as “Haagon-Bozs,” “Pizza Huh,” “Bucksstar Coffee,” “KFG” and “McDnoald’s.” Images of what became known as “Shanzhai Street” spread rapidly online.

    Once a term used to suggest something cheap or inferior, shanzhai now suggests to many a certain Chinese cleverness and ingenuity. Shanzhai culture “is from the grass roots and for the grass roots,” says Han Haoyue, a media critic in Beijing, who sees it as a means of self-expression. “It gives people another choice and the possibility of resisting dominant cultural values.”

    I love that they are using the scrambled letter approach – wonder if they got the idea from silly forwarded email. This has expanded from brick and mortar space to websites that mash brands like google, yahoo, and baidu into one logo / search site.

    Brilliant co-opting!

    Applying some McLuhan reasoning, I wonder how this changes customers perception of Shanzhai products.

    In single blind taste tests, people told they are having their favorite brand name product may fail to notice discrepancies, or notice them and shrug them off (I lack a source for this). When all appropriate visual clues are included – a Strabuks cup with logo, band, and top for example, could Maxwell House drip coffee be passed off as a new flavor?

    Cleo McDowell: Look… me and the McDonald’s people got this little misunderstanding. See, they’re McDonald’s… I’m McDowell’s. They got the Golden Arches, mine is the Golden Arcs. They got the Big Mac, I got the Big Mick. We both got two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions, but their buns have sesame seeds. My buns have no seeds.

    Certainly.

  2. Ubik, the fortune file

    The text ads on facebook and google make me think of ubik, and with the power of greasemonkey, it’s possible to actually make them all for ubiq - so many use proper nouns that it should be a simple regex.

    Tired of the same old message of the day? What’s a unix user to do? Simply install our patented ubik fortune database wherever you keep fortune files! Safe when used as directed. Do not use internally. Do not execute the ubik fortune database. Do not run as root. Do not add to your login.

    Start with a basic ad.

    Pay your bill on time. Chase +1 rewards you when you pay your bill on time. Apply now for Chase +1.

    Munge it with something like…

    $ad =~ s/[[A-Z]+[a-z]]+/Ubik/g; `

    And get:

    Pay your bill on time. Ubik +1 rewards you when you pay your bill on time. Apply now for Ubik +1.

    But it’s not very easy to take:

    With the Intel® Core™2 Duo Processor, the HP TouchSmart PC gives you all the power you can handle. Get the magic now.

    And programatically get:

    With the Ubik, the HP PC gives you all the power you can handle. Get the magic now.

    I’ll play with it.

    In the meantime, I wanted to grab some Ubik ads to make sure it was going to make sense. Once I had them, I compiled a fortune file. Enjoy!

    > fortune ubik
    Friends, this is clean-up time and we're discounting all
    our silent, electric Ubiks by this much money. Yes, we're throwing
    away the blue-book. And remember: every Ubik on our lot has been used
    only as directed.
    
    > fortune ubik
    "Tired of lazy tastebuds?" Runciter said in his familiar gravelly
    voice. "Has boiled cabbage taken over your world of food? That same
    old, stale, flat, Monday-morning odor no matter how many dimes you put
    into your stove? Ubik changes all that; Ubik wakes up food flavor,
    puts hearty taste back where it belongs, and restores fine food
    smell."
    
    > fortune ubik
    I am Ubik. Before the universe was, I am. I made the
    suns. I made the worlds. I created the lives and the places they
    inhabit; I move them here, I put them there. They go as I say, they
    do as I tell them. I am the word and my name is never spoken, the
    name which no one knows. I am called Ubik, but that is not my name. I
    am. I shall always be.

    Download

  3. Simplepedia

    I integrated two existing greasemonkey user scripts for wikipedia, and added lots of element { display: none; }‘s to the style sheet, and ended up with a userscript I’m calling Simplepedia:

    Wikipedia’s design and style is tiring and cluttered:

    screenshot of wikipedia on the Adrian Belew page

    There is just too much going on!

    Without the entire left bar, banner ads, footers, and tiny sans serif type, wikipedia is much more inviting:

    screenshot of simplepedia on the Adrian Belew page

    There are still issues – some hard coded elements just can’t be undone. The front page language selection doorstop is completely lacking ID elements, and I don’t want to follow their lead and hard code a DOM-walking cleanup. Entire tables exist just to pad out other tables. There are numbered lists that are actually unordered lists with each list item hard coding their number values. Colors and fonts are called out inline all over the place in css in place of proper classes and ids.

    This was inspired by Jon Hick’s excellent Helvetireader user script for Google Reader.

    If you don’t have Greasemonkey yet, go get it. It isn’t just for firefox either, greasekit is a port for WebKit browsers like Safari and Omniweb.

  4. Plato on the written word

    I’ve been reading McLuhan a lot lately trying to figure out what effects media shifts have on culture. As parts of the modern world walk away from picturesque media, turning to this new dynamic variant of the written word (my theory, not his), we can look back to previous media shifts for potential effects, transition signs, and so on.

    McLuhan recalls Plato on the transition from the spoken word to the written one…

    If men learn this, it will implant forgetfulness in their souls; they will cease to exercise memory because they rely on that which is written, calling things to remembrance no longer from within themselves, but by means of external marks. What you have discovered is a recipe not for memory, but for reminder. And it is no true wisdom that you offer your disciples, but only its semblance, for by telling them of many things without teaching them you will make them seem to know much, while for the most part they know nothing, and as men filled, not with wisdom, but with the conceit of wisdom, they will be a burden to their fellows.

    Plato isn’t a predictor here, he is the voice of conservatism. Plato could likely have recited line and verse multiple complex narratives known throughout his culture, of course he couldn’t concede to modern man standing next to a book on a shelf as having his understanding of that which he can recite. But what of modern cyber-enhanced man with his printed books and television, or more importantly, his transmission control protocol and user datagram protocol over internet protocol?

    I don’t know—that’s why I’m reading McLuhan, and Shirky, and Robb, Vinge and others.

  5. How I almost got myself killed

    I almost got myself killed once and have never written how.

    I was just grabbing a soda from the machine here at work. It’s a slow afternoon the day before Thanksgiving, and I was thinking to myself that I really should quit drinking soda, it’ll kill me some day. Actually, it almost did kill me one day. Kind of.

    In the spring of 1996, I was a middling to underachieving high school junior. One school day in June during the last week of finals the weather was so excellent that my friends and I opted to spend the afternoon at a picnic table at the end of a path through a wooded half acre that bordered the tennis courts that marked the school limits, across a corn field, near a small creek that ran behind the school grounds.

    Third and fourth periods at the end of the semester have nothing on smoking cigarettes with friends at 16. At the end of the afternoon I could ride the bus home, or I could catch a ride with a friend that was not skipping class with us.

    But first, I wanted to get a coke. There were two coke machines in the school, and I opted for the one closest to the parking lot at the risk of being spotted by the teachers from my afternoon classes. The halls were crowded with students dumping books into lockers, heading for the doorways to the rest of their afternoons. I was going against traffic at first, then with traffic as as I reached the midpoint between the parking lot door I’d entered through and the bus driveway doors.

    I got my coke and reversed course. As was my habit, I tapped the pull-tab with the pad of my right thumb while holding the can in my left during my walk back up the hall. I pushed through the door with dozens of other students back out into the sun I’d enjoyed all afternoon, still tapping the pull-tab on my can of coke.


    “So what do I do now?”

    There were three cards face down on my lap. I was holding most of a deck of red bicycles. I looked up at my interrogator, a family friend, and tried to remember how far I was along in the trick.

    “Uhm…”

    I’d learned this trick a few months prior. Use any old deck of cards, jokers in or out, and fan the deck. Offer the subject a card, any card. Ask them to memorize the card. Cut the deck. Place the memorized card back in the cut deck. Shuffle the deck a few times for show, then place the top three cards side by side on a flat surface and ask the subject to pick the one that is their card. They will be wrong. Offer them a second chance. They will be wrong again. Give them the last face down card, which again won’t be their card. Then peel off the top card from the remaining deck. It is their card!

    I don’t remember the magic part that moved the card to the fourth from the top position.

    I didn’t remember then either.

    “What happens next in the trick?”

    I looked around for help. I was definitely in a hospital, and there were definitely my parents and a few aunts and uncles outside the door.

    “What happened? Why am I in a hospital? What’s going on?”

    There was immediately, as I recall it, commotion. I was surrounded by faces.

    “Grant, you were in an accident, you are in the hospital, you hurt your head.” someone said.

    “Lets move him”

    My bed was reclined to nearly flat and the ceiling started sliding from left to right above me, and then from down to up.


    “Hey Grant, we all ditched to come up and see you. You looked fucked up man.”

    Some of the friends I’d been with that afternoon had come to see me. I was in a room by myself. Some time after they left, a second group of friends stopped by. Family was in and out. The right side of my head was shaved completely, the left was not. My Minor Threat t-shirt was gone, my favorite pair of Vans were gone, my jeans were gone.

    From then on, my memory is complete. There is no blacked out gap during which the catheter was removed. There is no blacked out gap failing to store the first time I got out of bed in a few days to walk, with help, to the bathroom, in long term memory. I spent the rest of the hospital stay finishing Stephen King’s The Green Mile serials which family had brought me, having visitors, dozing, and trying not to upset the scabs on my heels, right hip, and right shoulder. All left scars.


    I have since been told from multiple people what had happened to me, but not from any actual witnesses. I’ve been told what probably happened though. I’ve been told what the EMTs did when they arrived, where the helicopter picked me up, how I almost left the hospital that evening before losing my lunch in the lobby, and how I was awake and conversing almost the entire time.

    The funny thing about memory is that each of these stories I’ve been told has been stitched into my memory alongside the events I witnessed. My brain has no problem continuing the narrative after I opened the coke that afternoon outside high school and saw a friend in the parking lot, pulling his car around. My brain has fabricated the precise point in the hospital that my parents and I decided to go back in and ask for a head scan to figure out why I was vomiting. My brain has filled in the doctors telling me I have a subdural hematoma and describing the baseball-stitched scars the operation will leave on my head.

    But I don’t trust any of it. The only reason I don’t trust any of it is that I remember where the gaps started. I remember the gaps, and I remember each source that filled in their version of the events that have since filled them. There is no other obvious tell. All long term memories are brief episodes bordered by gaps, and these fabricated ones aren’t any different.

    As time passes, these distinctions are blurring. Maybe I am gradually recalling the waking moments of that afternoon and these are genuine memories being reconnected through the suggestion of hearing them from others?

    I don’t believe that. None of the resurfacing memories have been contradictory to the suggested versions. Isn’t that strange considering I was the only witness?

    The brain is amazing.

    When I am a tottering old man, be wary of my telling of this story with no gaps, as I likely will. I will have forgotten the second black out, as I tend to do already. I will never forget the card trick. My long term memory kicking-in mid-card trick is the most surreal thing to ever happen to me.

  6. Body Language

    In my class tonight, the professor lectured about communications. When she got to the bit about body language and oh if you cross your arms like so, it is communicating that you are closed off, one of my classmates pointed out that many of the theories of body language are based on bad research from the 1960’s and 70’s, pop psychology, and folk wisdom.

    He was, of course, right.

    The common set of most of the knowledge we walk around with is blurred with inaccurate folk knowledge. No field is immune.

    Everything I know about passwords? Wrong. Misguided. Soon to be out-dated.

    Literary analysis? Not my specialty.

    Communications? Sorry, my community college class doesn’t help.

    Music? Ha.

    Getting by with a mix of real knowledge and folk wisdom in any field is only natural. True depth in anything requires, on average, about $1000 investment value in equipment, reading, classes, and so on, and ten years practice. Well, about ten years, some are slower or faster than others. And far too many chase the dollar investment thinking it’ll make up for the ten years thing. And even then, the conventional wisdom baggage never goes away.

    Nothing is immune until humanity gets the brain-in-a-vat thing figured out.

    So this poor classmate of mine points out, in a largish university class, this concept, and that it has blurred the lines between what is true researched body language, and what is hearsay.

    The teacher is pretty sure about the whole arm crossing thing. Pretty sure. Another classmate is a psychology major and asserts that body language does exist, but that not everyone has the same body language. Another classmate asserts that body language is reliable and that they use it at work. Another classmate is open to the idea that body language is different for everybody, but points out that kids do the arm crossing thing.

    The entire time these bastards are berating the man for what they seemed to understand as his dismissal of body language entirely, I’m watching him. Watching his body language.

    He wanted to cross his arms.

    He didn’t. That would be giving in.

    I knew this like I imagine poker players know each other’s tells after years of playing together. He wanted to cross his arms and swivel his chair so that he would no longer be directly shoulders-square with the rest of us.

    That I knew this, because he was being lectured to by a class full of students, wasn’t the interesting thing. What intrigues me now, an hour later, is that I knew he knew that we knew that he knew.

    I love that.

  7. Outlook Zen Koans

    Outlook error messages must be Zen Kōans. There simply isn’t a rational explanation for a mature product to be so full of useless, annoying alerts.

    The Evidence

    Meet the Cannot Family

    The function cannot be performed because the message has been changed.

    Changes to the meeting cannot be saved. The meeting has been updated by another person. Close and reopen the meeting, and then make your updates.

    The form required to view this message cannot be displayed. Contact your administrator.

    The OK button only makes the messages worse.

    If a dialog can only be dismissed with a single response, it should not exist, because it is no longer a dialog. Well, obviously you say, it is an alert!

    The item cannot be moved. It was either already moved or deleted, or access was denied.

    And it’s twin.

    The item cannot be deleted. It was either moved or already deleted, or access was denied.

    And the twins’s over-grown, uglier cousin

    Some items cannot be deleted. They were either moved or already deleted, or access was denied.


    Yikes, any developer that adds ASCII art (> >) to a graphical interface should have his or her commit privileges revoked.

    How about a bulleted list?

    Cannot mark the items read or unread. The most likely reasons are:

    • You don’t have permission to modify the items.

    • These folders do not support marking items as read or unread.

    • You did not select anything to mark.

    • The server is unavailable.

    Cannot turn off the reminder. You may be reminded again.

    Really? May I please?

    On Time

    Opening a lot of items could take some time. Are you sure you want to open these items?

     

    Some time?

    Here is a dialog takes about 30 seconds to arrive, during which the entire interface is frozen.

    Cannot find file ‘\\network\path\that\is\not\available’. Verify the path or Internet address is correct.

    While this similar dialog, I think indicating that the browser isn’t ready, times out in a few seconds with the following useful error.

    General failure. The URL was: “http://theurl.tld/long/truncated/url/?ohpleasekillme…”. The system cannot find the file specified.

    On matters of temporary files

    The attachments of the message “” have been changed.

    Do you want to save changes to this message?

      

    What is the difference between No and Cancel?

    A program has the attachment open. Changes to the file will be lost unless you save your changes to another file by clicking the Microsoft Office Button in the other program, and then clicking Save As.

    Inhumane by any measure

    Unknown Error.

    A dialog box is open. Close it and try again.

    Simply amazing.

    The frequency a dialog is likely to present itself in QA is directly proportional to the quality of the alert text.

    Share this Calendar with User, Joe
    joe.user@grantstavely.com?

    Permissions: Reviewer (read-only)

     

    Really? Bold e-mail addresses? Lastname, Firstname?

    Pick Yes.

    Your Calendar has been shared with User, Joe. joe.user@grantstavely.com. User, Joe has also granted you access to their calendar and it has been added to the Navigation Pane in your Calendar.

    There are also a few nice messages hidden in the UI that obscure needless complexity

    Extra line breaks in this message were removed.

    And it’s counterpart…

    This message has extra line breaks.

    Ugh.

    This item canot be displayed in the Reading Pane. Open the item to read its contents.

    Informational Wordiness

    Your server administrator has limited the number of items you can open simultaneously. Try closing messages you have opened or removing attachments and images from unsent messages you are composing.

    Conclusion

    So what else can strings find in outlook.exe?

    > strings OUTLOOK.EXE | grep dialog
    Always hide dialog
    

    Indeed.

    The operation failed.

  8. Ambiguously Hyperbolic

    Language shift is unavoidable, and passing fads of cultural catch phrases and idioms are to be enjoyed. Word’s meanings shift, begin to lose force, take on secondary contrary meanings, and eventually come to mean something wholly different. Idioms that become popular in one field may cross to join the confusing jargon of business analysis, or of political discourse, or of art, and so on.

    Some are becoming ambiguously hyperbolic jumbles. Ranting about these is silly, but given the shifts they are undergoing, perhaps they are best avoided in your writing.

    A Perfect Storm has become the new “we believe we have found all factors leading to the undesired event, and most of them were somewhat undesirable themselves.” It is a complex world and many of our systems are tightly linked, that does not make every event a perfect storm.

    Carrot and Stick is a nice idiom: influence others by withholding a promised reward; as when dangling a carrot from a stick in front of a donkey. It is shifting to suggest influencing others by alternating between delivering a promised reward when small goals are met and punishing with a big stick when small goals are not met.

    Sea Change isn’t just a morose Beck album, it is from Shakespeare’s Tempest:

    “Full fathom five thy father lies,
    Of his bones are coral made,
    Those are pearls that were his eyes,
    Nothing of him that doth fade,
    But doth suffer a sea change,
    into something rich and strange,
    Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell,
    Ding-dong.
    Hark! now I hear them, ding-dong, bell.”

    That sounds like a classical metamorphosis to me, not something one experiences when taking on a new job, or doing the same job in a slightly different environment.

    Decimate now needs to be used with supporting evidence or abandoned until it has fully lost it’s one-tenth reduction meaning and finally rests as a synonym for annihilated.

    The pronunciation of nuclear wants to change to nukular very badly. Nuclaer is awkward; the hard stop of the ‘c’ using the back of the tounge is followed by the ‘l’ formed with the front of the tounge – unavoidably prone to shift.

    A martini has become a call drink; with so many drinks ending in -tini and the blur between vodka and gin, abandon all hope of restoring the proper gin to vermouth ratio and order a Hendricks-rocks.

    Language change tends to slow, I’m told, as literacy rates increase. With just-in-time learning, will this slow even further? No more will we have to guess at what it means to throw someone under the bus, we can Google it.

    Did you think I actually knew that Tempest passage?

  9. Dark Side of the Town Hall

    For the second Presidential Debate of the 2008 Obama / McCain presidential race, I tried an old psychedelic expirament: synchronization with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon. It worked better than I expected, and I microblogged the entire experience.

    Dark Side of the Town Hall
    Figure 1. Dark Side of the Town Hall.

    Try it yourself.
    Queue up Dark Side of the Moon and begin playing as Tom Brokaw says “Good Evening”.

    Yes, this is silly.

    I noticed synchronicity a few times:

    I’m watching tonight’s debate on mute with Dark Side of the Moon playing. I
    call it Dark Side of the Town Hall. 6:41 PM Oct 7th

    Started Dark Side right when Tom Brokaw said “Good Evening” - the pulse
    background is kinda creepy, laughing, screaming 8:03 PM Oct 7th

    Awesome: They shook hands just as Breathe kicked in. IT WORKS! 8:04 PM
    Oct 7th

    Obama answers his first question to the first stanza of Breathe ♫ “Don’t
    be afraid to care / look around, choose your own life” ♫ 8:05 PM Oct 7th

    McCain answers his first question to creepy synth pattern of ♫ On The Run
    ♫ 8:08 PM Oct 7th

    “Not You Tom” didn’t synch, then he pauses, then the plane wreck sound
    effect at the end of ♫ On The Run ♫, then McCain’s answer. 8:09 PM Oct 7th

    Obama “other folks” eh? Oh all of them that come across your desk? ♫ Time
    ♫ is revving up - clauses end in that droning low E 8:11 PM Oct 7th

    McCain on Obama’s cronies as the Gilmours’ solos in ♫ Time ♫ “Buy up
    these bad loans” wailing blues 8:13 PM Oct 7th

    Obama rebuttal during solo refrain, nicely synced, contine through last
    verse of Time and end right as the song ends 8:16 PM Oct 7th

    McCain rebuttal backed by Clare Torry. Oohhh “The American workers are the
    best in the world” 8:18 PM Oct 7th

    Obama makes promises of investment (with what $?) to Ms. Finch during mellow
    lull in ♬ The Great Gig in the Sky ♬ 8:21 PM Oct 7th

    ♬ Money ♬ and McCain’s rebuttal sync perfectly. “Let’s look at our records
    instead of rhetoric” “Money…root of all evil today” 8:22 PM Oct 7th

    As the sax solo winds gives way to guitar solo in ♬ Money ♬ McCain
    describes order of priorities. He’s really good at this. Gilmour I mean. …
    8:25 PM Oct 7th

    Obama compares himself to JFK as ♬ Money ♬ winds down. Really? /that/ JFK?
    Really? “Giving none away” ♬ “Giving none away” ♬ 8:28 PM Oct 7th

    McCain describes eliminating government departments by specifically solving
    defense spending problems to ♬ Us and Them ♬ Clinton-omics? 8:30 PM Oct
    7th

    ♬ “Haven’t you heard it’s a battle of words / the poster bearer cried Listen
    son, said the man with the gun / There’s room for you inside” ♬ 8:32 PM Oct
    7th

    McCain on nailing Jello to the wall as ♬ Any Colour You Like ♬ begins
    (I’ll take Lime with vodka, in a dixie cup) then describes his tax plan …
    8:37 PM Oct 7th

    Obama describes his tax plan to ♬ Brain Damage ♬, then McCain plays up his
    maverick record to the same. 8:41 PM Oct 7th

    ♬ Eclipse ♬ ends as McCain comments on environment. Nuclear power, or
    something like that. 8:45 PM Oct 7th

    Debate continues, The Dark Side of the Town Hall does not. ♬ “There is no
    dark side of the town hall really. Matter of fact its all dark.” ♬

  10. A failed analogy to stock market shorting practices

    For Halloween I borrowed some candy from a neighbor. See, I was counting on nobody liking the candy by the end of the night, so by borrowing it instead of wearing a great costume and earning it up front, I was going to make out like a bandit. I didn’t even say trick or treat to my neighbor!

    “I’ll be back in costume at the end of the evening to say trick or treat and my costume will be cool enough to justify your lending to me this bunch of candy now. This is some great candy, I’ll probably come back as a fully mechanized T. Rex on stilts or something.”

    I gave out the candy all night to people wearing really good costumes. I mean full face-paint zombies with fake broken-arms, and kick-ass home made impressions of characters from my favorite movies, and cute kids in animal suits, not those cheap rubber face masks and cartoon-character store-bought kits.

    “Trick or treat!”

    “I love your costume! You are going to love this candy!”

    I was giving the stuff away by the fist full.

    Then as the night wore down, I went back to the people I got the candy from, and I had on one of those crappy store-bought costumes.

    “Your candy is crap and every kid knows it. Across the neighborhood, little plastic pumpkins and pillow-cases are being dumped and sorted, and the candy we gave out will be first up for trade tomorrow in the cafeteria, after apples and ziplock bags of popcorn.”

    “So? Are you seriously wearing just a Scary Movie mask and the same clothes you wore all day? What happened to the dinosaur rig?”

    “Yes, you see, I’ve shorted on you. I knew this candy was crap, and I got the value of seeing some amazing costumes tonight in exchange for your candy, because they didn’t think it was crap, but now the consensus is that it’s crap.”

    “…”

    “Trick or treat, sucker.”

Pizza Slow (high quality)

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