Ubik, the fortune file

The text ads on facebook and google make me think of ubik, and with the power of greasemonkey, it’s possible to actually make them all for ubiq - so many use proper nouns that it should be a simple regex.

Tired of the same old message of the day? What’s a unix user to do? Simply install our patented ubik fortune database wherever you keep fortune files! Safe when used as directed. Do not use internally. Do not execute the ubik fortune database. Do not run as root. Do not add to your login.

Start with a basic ad.

Pay your bill on time. Chase +1 rewards you when you pay your bill on time. Apply now for Chase +1.

Munge it with something like…

$ad =~ s/[[A-Z]+[a-z]]+/Ubik/g; `

And get:

Pay your bill on time. Ubik +1 rewards you when you pay your bill on time. Apply now for Ubik +1.

But it’s not very easy to take:

With the Intel® Core™2 Duo Processor, the HP TouchSmart PC gives you all the power you can handle. Get the magic now.

And programatically get:

With the Ubik, the HP PC gives you all the power you can handle. Get the magic now.

I’ll play with it.

In the meantime, I wanted to grab some Ubik ads to make sure it was going to make sense. Once I had them, I compiled a fortune file. Enjoy!

> fortune ubik
Friends, this is clean-up time and we're discounting all
our silent, electric Ubiks by this much money. Yes, we're throwing
away the blue-book. And remember: every Ubik on our lot has been used
only as directed.

> fortune ubik
"Tired of lazy tastebuds?" Runciter said in his familiar gravelly
voice. "Has boiled cabbage taken over your world of food? That same
old, stale, flat, Monday-morning odor no matter how many dimes you put
into your stove? Ubik changes all that; Ubik wakes up food flavor,
puts hearty taste back where it belongs, and restores fine food
smell."

> fortune ubik
I am Ubik. Before the universe was, I am. I made the
suns. I made the worlds. I created the lives and the places they
inhabit; I move them here, I put them there. They go as I say, they
do as I tell them. I am the word and my name is never spoken, the
name which no one knows. I am called Ubik, but that is not my name. I
am. I shall always be.

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Proximate posts in the Blog collection
Newer capture - a script for analysts and incident handlers 18 February 2009
Corporate Brand Mash-up DIY Rebellion 23 January 2009
This post Ubik, the fortune file 23 December 2008
Older Simplepedia 22 December 2008
Plato on the written word 04 December 2008
Proximate posts in the General collection
Newer Wikipedia has more inline style than Kip Dynamite http://is 24 December 2008
Enjoying Bill Maher's Religulous - the American founding fat 23 December 2008
This post Ubik, the fortune file 23 December 2008
Older Watching Nova w/ @vurtyou is like watching football in a spo 23 December 2008
http://twitpic 23 December 2008

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