Coming up with a plausible but even more frustrating syntax for plain text markup

bold: ddoouubbllee eevveerryy lleetttteerr, because that’s how you made letters bolder on a typewriter.

_underline_is_easy_but_lets_not_be_sloppy:_no_spaces

italics are not supported, that’s what underline was for

hyperlinks? _underlines_with_a_octothorpe #, # footnote the link at the bottom of the file

https://just.kidding, hyperlinks are not supported