1. I didn’t make the connection between college degrees in the U.S. and meritocracy (pejorative), probably because I never finished college (ran out of patience and tuition)

  2. A speed metal cover of the fireman sam theme transposed to minor key, played by fireman sam’s band, with the β€œoh no” rising theme palm muted intro

  3. [Verse 1: Peter Cetera] If you leave me now You’ll take away the biggest part of me Ooh no, baby, please don’t go [Verse 2: Peter Cetera] And if you leave me now You’ll take away the very heart of … πŸŒ½πŸ›

  4. Apropos of nothing word associations: β€œpublic-private partnership”, lmao

    β€œprivatized”, lmfao

  5. San deanfrisco twitter funny as hell today, gj everyone, even the freaks and losers, you’ve been funny today too

  6. Therapist (I don’t go to therapy but pretending for the bit): β€œhow did you get that hole in your jeans, it’s like, right by the zipper, and not even in a place that you can passably just like, let it go like a thigh or knee”

    me w/ donnie darko frown: doing the dishes I think, idk

  7. What about lenders who already paid off their congressional reps?

  8. You should have to win the β€œcatch a dollar bill” bar bet before you can turn on β€œautopilot” in a car, just like commercial airline pilots

Pizza Slow (high quality)

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