CYBER CLERKS

Another CUSTOMER leans in.
CUSTOMER: Are you open?
DANTE: (rolls his eyes) Yes.
RANDAL: You know what? I don’t think I care for you rationale.
DANTE: It’s going to have to do for now, considering that it’s my laptop that’s up for request. (to CUSTOMER) Can I help you?
CUSTOMER: Pack of cigarettes.
RANDAL: What’s your point?
DANTE: My point is that you’re a clerk, paid to do a job. You can’t just do anything you want while you’re working.
CUSTOMER: (reading a security blog) “The next threat to the cloud and what CISSPs are doing about it; Cyber security funding up.” (to DANTE and RANDAL) They hype any kind of buzzwords in these things.
DANTE: They certainly do. Two fifty-five.
RANDAL: So your argument is that title dictates behavior?
DANTE: What?
RANDAL: The reasons you won’t let me borrow your laptop is because I have a title and a job description, and I’m supposed to follow it, right?
DANTE: Exactly.
CUSTOMER: (interjecting) I saw one, one time online, that said Chinese APT had hacked american defense contractors. Then in the next week’s post, they said the NSA was hiring security defenders but only to man Einstein consoles. APT? Cloud? What does that shit even mean?
RANDAL: (eyes the CUSTOMER, annoyed) So I’m no more responsible for my own decisions while I’m here at work than, say, the Death Squad soldiers in Bosnia?
DANTE: That’s stretching it. You’re not being asked to slay children or anything.
RANDAL: Not yet.
RANDAL: (sips water)
CUSTOMER: (again with the interjections) And I remember this one time at DEFCON this Fed was giving a talk about…
RANDAL spits a mist of water at the customer, drenching him. The man reacts violently, attempting to grab RANDAL from over the counter. RANDAL makes no move, but remains untouched. DANTE plays block.
CUSTOMER: I’M GONNA DOX YOUR FUCKING ASS! YOU FUCKING LAMER!
DANTE: Sir! Sir, I’m sorry! He didn’t mean it! He was trying to get me.
CUSTOMER: Well, he missed!
DANTE: I know. I’m sorry. Let me refund your cigarette money, and we’ll call it even.
CUSTOMER: (considerably calmer; takes money) This is the last time I ever come here. (to RANDAL) And if I ever see you again, I’m gonna rm your fucking shit!
The CUSTOMER leaves, wiping water from his face. RANDAL salutes him.
DANTE: (angrily) What the fuck did you do that for?
RANDAL: Two reasons: one, I hate when the people can’t shut up about the jargon that people in the military use.
DANTE: Jesus!
RANDAL: And two, to make a point: title does not dictate behavior.

May 31st, 2013 8:14am