getting the toddler blazed this weekend, hell yeah 🤙

electeds have to cast the word “folks” repeatedly every day to charge their mana

when it comes to petition signing, real heads know

leading the charge by criticizing

sneaking into the comic book movie discourse tent and recording myself looking at a score board “They Stink!”, “Some are OK I guess!”, “Let People Enjoy Things”, and “They Rule!” and then erasing all the chalk tally marks under all of them so that everyone has to start over again

I joke because the rest of the quote goes on to say that to earn trust back after doing nothing about how you lost it, you really gotta Show Up and Do The Work or Do Better or whatever

“I hate the mayor”

audience: “we hate the mayor”

pretending that london breed said “police violence was as real then as it is in communities all across the nation today. That pain is real.” and then actually did a pretty good (like, Phil Hartman good, R I P) Bill Clinton impression when she said “I understand your pain”

follow up, a whole-home audio rig that responds to all major names and with magic 8 ball answers and does nothing else

does anyone make funnier non-functiional drop-in fittings that i can replace the security system sensors and alarms in my house with? toy mini-gun turrets? gargoyles? BANG flags coming out of gun barrels? locomotive engines coming out of a fireplace? paint-on-tunnel entrances?