Daily Brasky: 

He's a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
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Daily Brasky:

He orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith and Wesson.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky went public with his own buttocks and made seven million.
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Daily Brasky:

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Well anyway, Brasky decides he's gonna hunt down all four members of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all beg for their lives, except Fleagul.
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Daily Brasky:

We once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake, before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky once hosted the Grammy's and gave every award to Cory Hardt.
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Daily Brasky:

He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky got his wife pregnant, and she gave birth to a delicious sixteen ounce steak. The afterbirth was sautéed mushrooms.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky's ranked eighteenth in the AP College Football Poll.
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Daily Brasky:

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
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Daily Brasky:

He breast feeds John Madden.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky named the group ShaNaNa. They did not want to be called that.
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Daily Brasky:

If you drop a phonograph needle on Brasky's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys Pet Sounds.
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Daily Brasky:

They use Brasky's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee Stadium.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
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Daily Brasky:

He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
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Daily Brasky:

All the Yes album covers are Brasky family photos.
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Daily Brasky:

Darryl Dawkins has a summer home in Brasky's groin.
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Daily Brasky:

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky taught his son how to drive? Well anyway, Brasky taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said, It would have happened sometime.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky's semen can form into a liquid human. Like that guy from Terminator 2.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
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Daily Brasky:

He thinks the Iron Man is gay.
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Daily Brasky:

He framed Roger Rabbit.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky used to ride upon a steed, perchance to spy a lady.
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Daily Brasky:

The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brasky, except for the part about planting apple trees and not raping men.
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Daily Brasky:

He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
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Daily Brasky:

He cornered the market on booze.
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Daily Brasky:

Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
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Daily Brasky:

Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Brasky tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled.
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Daily Brasky:

Hell eat a homeless person if you dare him.
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Daily Brasky:

One time I asked Brasky to dress up as Santa for a Christmas party I was having for my children. Anyway, Brasky shows up as Santa, says I've got goodies for you kids. He reaches into his bag and proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says There's no Santa cause I ate him!
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky's a son of a bitch.
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Daily Brasky:

You know he sheds his skin once a year.
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Daily Brasky:

I once saw him scissor kick Angela Lansberry.
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Daily Brasky:

Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And Im running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, Dont shoot him, hes a human.
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Daily Brasky:

Ya know, he jumped off the Empire State Building this one time and he only sprained his ankle.
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Daily Brasky:

Like an alligator he can fully digest a turtle shell.
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Daily Brasky:

His favorite TV movie is The Boy In The Plastic Bubble starring John Travolta.
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Daily Brasky:

Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch.
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Daily Brasky:

Bill Brasky is an eight foot two ton monster who can palm a medicine ball.
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Daily Brasky:

So anyway, Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra Beverly, and he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid.
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Daily Brasky:

Brasky would use his own thigh as an anvil.
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Daily Brasky:

Ya know, it was the sight of Brasky's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
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Daily Brasky:

He showers in grain alcohol.
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Daily Brasky:

He uses the Shroud of Turin as a gold towel.
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Daily Brasky:

He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
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Daily Brasky:

He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
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Daily Brasky:

His first name is Bill.
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Daily Brasky:

He makes every woman that sleeps with him refer to him as Bear Bryant.
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Daily Brasky:

He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
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Daily Brasky:

He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
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